This is the Final Draft and for the most part it’s done.
This Podcast is called the S.S.S PainTrain and it follows the story of 3 girls who decide to go out and explore. These girls tend to stay inside and do work, study, or athletics, but they never get the time to just roam the world they live in. One day they go out and find themselves in a strange circumstance.
I really enjoyed the sounds you used — I felt immersed and it made me take your story in a playful yet mysterious tone. The only thing I could see needing improvement is the spacing in the dialogue — it just seems like it takes too long for characters to react to one another. Maybe you can try cutting the pauses out? Ultimately very good podcast! The story and transitions were very fluid and I felt like I was connected to it the whole time.
Great premise. I think the premise is a great metaphor for real life. Going out and exploring how magical real life can be is a great setup for a magical realism story. Also Doctor Eggman’s announcement was a nice touch. I feel like if you recognize the recording it’s really funny, but if you don’t it might come across as frightening, as if it’s coming from the carnival. What I found really difficult was the lack of narration and perspective. When you create an audio drama like this and have lots of dynamic movement and action, you need to narrate it. It was really confusing when they came into the fun house, or even that scene at the end was a little weird. This is clearly not told from the perspective of any of the girls, as we would not have gotten that last scene otherwise. Add a third party narrator to fill in the gaps. This will also help with the pacing. Just grab a friend and ask them to record a few quick narrative lines. The lightning power thing was a little confusing the first time around and the last scene had no real setting to draw from. Just clarify this and you have yourself a really fun story.
I like the logo and the title is super relevant. I love how you draw on real life and create this magical story over it. The description leaves a bit to be desired. It sets up the premise of the podcast, but nothing unique to this episode. Just saying they stumble upon an abandoned carnival won’t ruin anything within the story and gives the listener a reason to be invested. If you told people that the three girls stumble across the supernatural, the listener will have a reason to care.-Jordan Davies